The housewife on her morning run.

If you find yourself in the position of wanting to look cultured and educated, yet craving something of a 1970s sex comedy, look no further than “Potiche”. It’s the story of a bored housewife (Catherine Deneuve) who finds herself in charge of her husband’s umbrella factory after unionists take him hostage. Enter Gerard Depardieu as the local Communist MP.

It’s a fun romp with a distinctly French attitude towards sex. There are no happy endings for everyone though; the cruel and conniving are punished with lives that are less than extraordinary.  Compared to the American ideal, the film feels almost unfinished, until you realise that the choices the characters have made is ultimately what decides their fate. Compare this to the dull American sickly sweet endings where characters are smiled upon by luck and all are ultimately redeemed and the differences between the two cultures is thrown into stark relief.

4 out of 5 stars.

Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/mararie

April – the month started off like a pistol. Yes I am aware that it is already the 18th (though I have only rewritten this on the 17th) and that the month is almost at an end. Anyway, back to the pistol analogy. Things that had been on the backburner have now come to the fore, things that weren’t working either mended itself or finally broke apart (ie job situation, financial issues…relationships!) What is also interesting is that there was a regression back to old habits, in particular, bad ones. What is interesting is that this time around, there seems to be more will power to say no. Whether initially or eventually. The bill for the indulgences and, for some, delusions, of March had finally come. Some were able to pay it, some needed to get a loan, and others were tried and judged unfit for human association and a period of isolation occurred. And there are those special few who are rather disgruntled about the whole month that the only way to appease their wrath is to sacrifice the Ram and string up its bloody pelt as a warning to the Bull who happens to be coming up to tone down whatever shenanigans they have planned. Though if this were to happen, I suspect that it would goad the Bull into action rather than warn it.

The month also began in what is called a Shadow Period. Period of 2 weeks prior to the Retrogradation of a planet (it slows down and appears to move backwards from an Earth-bound standpoint). The planet in question is Mercury. Yes I can hear quite a few audible gasps and groans. For those who aren’t savy, Mercury is the planet of communication and all things associated with it. Ever wondered why when deals or thought processes that were going so well suddenly took a turn for the worst? Well check an ephemeris (planetary table), and you may find that Mercury was turning at or close to that point. Well fear not as not only does this happen only 3 times a year, but these are prime times for revision, self audits (great time to find possible tax deductions ), resigning leases, backing up data (I’m doing so as I write this!) and if in a iffy situation, it’s the perfect time to back out with less fuss than there would usually be. Mercury goes retrograde on the 18th of April to the 12th of May. Even so, the period following it is what I call a Haze. Everything seems to be okay but things are still a bit fuzzy around the edges. The dust really settles when Mercury returns to the degree it was at before it retrograded which will be on…the 29th of May. ….Long wait, I know…. Luckily, the next one won’t be till the 20th of August.

Editors Note: I was slack in getting to this in time.  I am a very bad man.

Aries:
• Headline: The self, appearance, spotlight time (no not the fabric store)
• Mercury affected area: Finances and movable assets. (watch that bank account)
• Verdict: Have fun but try to be thrifty about it. “Hey, Big Spender!” is what they’ll be yelling if you’re not careful…

Taurus:
• Headline: Seclusion and reflection. Time to hide away.
• Mercury affected area: Appearance. Watch that mouth. Not to mention that waistline
• Verdict: Indulge in private. It’s cheaper, more comfortable and if you say or do anything faux pas, it stays at home. Where it belongs!

Gemini:
• Headline: Groups, friends and dreams. Feeling lucky?
• Mercury affected area: Self-undoing. Luck can only be taken so far, Gemini. So can the patience of others. Don’t push it.
• Verdict: “Listen sister. If I wanted your opinion, I’ll beat it outta ya!” – Elvira. No unsolicited advice, Gemini. Thanks. Your friends do come equipped with both feelings and fists. Remember that.

Cancer:
• Headline: Reputation and public exposure. Do try not to embarrass yourself.
• Mercury affected area: Associations. Things may seem unstable. Shoulders back, eyes down, Cancer.
• Verdict: Don’t put too much stock in new associates. Enjoy them for what they are as they could cost you your reputation. Watch for bouts of possessiveness and jealousies. Whether others or, most likely, your own!

Leo:
• Headline: Higher education, spirituality, Long distance travel. Time for a trip?
• Mercury affected area: Reputation. Watch out for that temper.
• Verdict: I know , lately, you may be full of beans (among other things) Leo, but really. Knock it off. You aren’t the only firecracker out there. And there are some with far bigger bangs than you, so watch yourself.

Virgo:
• Headline: Debts and shared resources. Check to see that it all adds up.
• Mercury affected area: Spirituality. Crisis of faith? Or merely a revision?
• Verdict: Best to start sorting what needs to be sorted in regards to things that you share. You may have missed something.

Libra:
• Headline: One-on-one relationships and open enemies. They have been both of late, haven’t they?
• Mercury affected area: Debts. Stop pretending the debit card is a Platinum.
• Verdict: Love may be a battlefield, but that’s no excuse to play the bitch. Save it, Libra or you may find your usual charm won’t work later.

Scorpio:
• Headline: Toil and Illness. Time for those multivitamins…
• Mercury affected area: Relationships. That silent thing that you do? Keep it up. Suddenly having a mouth won’t help this month. Save it for May.
• Verdict: Been moody, have we? Yes we know. So do half the population. Wah, frickn’ Wah, Scorpio! Sort it on your own time. Not in the mood.

Sagittarius:
• Headline: Creativity and Pleasure. Feeln’ Frisky, are we?
• Mercury affected area: Work. Yeah best not to try and bed the new hottie at work. VD or the boss’s personal playtoy. Save it for after work drinks.
• Verdict: Just entertain at home. It’ll be safer for us all.

Capricorn:
• Headline: Home and family. Time to tackle fixing that toilet.
• Mercury affected area: Pleasure. Blockage? Change of scenery will do the trick.
• Verdict: The public knows you haven’t been a happy chappy. But what exactly are you going to do about it? Oh, and Oscar would like his trash can back.

Aquarius:
• Headline: Siblings and the Community. Should you stay or should you go? Pick up the phone and dial.
• Mercury affected area: Home. Spring cleaning! You’ll finally be able to get rid of useless old junk (actual junk or people)
• Verdict: Local minister or professor may have a viable solution for something that’s been nagging you. No, I’m not kidding. At least check it out.

Pisces:
• Headline: Moveable resources (assets/money/but not the house). Bought more than you could handle? Compensating for something?
• Mercury affected area: Communication. Just because you have a voice doesn’t mean you should use it without your brain…wait…brain?
• Verdict: Ask an Aquarian you know to help you out in regards to getting rid of crap you don’t really need. Flipside, you could also be helping them out with their issues. It’s proactive, cheaper than therapy, and far more entertaining.

Serves 4

Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/avlxyz/

Ingredients

• 200 g Rocket (Washed)
• 2 Pears
• ¾ cup Parmesan Cheese
• 2 tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• 70 g Walnuts (Sliced)
• 1 tbsp Balsamic Vinegar
• 600 g of beef strips

Instructions

1. Place rocket and sliced pear into a large bowl with shaved parmesan.
2. Drizzle with oil and balsamic vinegar adding walnuts.
3. Fry beef strips, drain and add to the salad
4. Toss and serve

Allow me to summarise by saying that nothing adds to the demise of a movie more than expectation or a second viewing.  Well, ignorant people co-viewing the film with their endless natter and commentary tends to have a similar effect…

The problem, I believe, is that I placed expectation upon the movie.  Tim Burton, Johnny Depp…  previews of immaculate costuming.  All signs to build my expectation.  Alas, I should have tempered it better with the fact that it was a Disney production.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, the plot, in a nutshell, has Alice at almost 20 years old and faced with a decision of marrying a Lord, and all that comes with it.  In her confusion and deliberation, she ends up falling down the rabbit hole and back into Wonderland.  All in Wonderland are heralding her as their saviour – one who shall defeat the Red Queen.

The theme of self belief is strong.  Sickeningly so.  It’s almost as though Disney used Alice to offset some of their other trite ‘damsel in distress’, teenage love epics they so fondly dish out annually.

It’s also hard to ignore the ‘love’ theme running through the film.  From the Red Queen commenting that it’s better to be feared than loved, to the odd love interest that the Hatter seems to show for Alice.  Well, at least this is how I saw it.

The acting was, well, adequate.  Clearly no Oscar performances, nor a script that even gave scope for that.  To their credit, the actors embraced the caricature nature of the characters, though their make-up and airbrushing tended to remove much of the acting potential for my liking, especially for the Hatter.    This said,  Anne Hathaway’s White Queen-iness made me giggle.

Even the Tim Burton attraction was lost in the final production.  The scenery, the cinematography, all clearly Burton-esque.  Yet I can’t help but feel he was too tied into delivering the “Disney” dream to be able to have the creative direction this movie needed to shift it from being “meh” to “wow”.   This is most true with the ending where, without being a spoiler, it is clear that the movie was shown to test audiences who replied ‘we’d like the story to be spelt out further for us – as in completely spelt out in a clichéd, ‘girl power’ sort of way”.   Had Burton been paid too much to protest to this or did he realise upon signing that there would be no way around an all-American Disney ending?

So for me, the final outcome was one of a watchable, if not a little disappointing, movie.  It was OK.  There are no scenes that will remain with me forever, or even a fortnight.  Even Avatar with its mind numbingly insulting script at least achieved that!

I am left wondering… Why Disney made this production?  There is limited merchandise associated with it, the box office, although good, was it great?  More to the point, why did Burton agree to this production with Disney?   Was there really supposed to be sub-theme of the Hatter being in love with Alice, or was Depp aiming for ‘paternal’ which resulted on screen as ‘sexy?  If we were supposed to walk away thinking that the Hatter loves Alice and has been waiting for her, then isn’t that creepy?…  And why not just take the ending to a whole “Disney” ending and have a ‘Hatter’ appear on the boat?

With such questions, I cannot see how Alice In Wonderland will become either a Burton or a Disney classic, nor the role that Depp dies being renown for.   The 3D added so very little to the production that if you miss it at the cinemas, never fear – the dvd will suffice!.  It was a watchable 2 stars.

I normally wouldn’t want to stray into a habit of reviewing music that isn’t ‘up to the minute’ or currently in charts but I had to share this.  In the lead up to my trip to Spain next year, this budding  españa-phile is discovering a world of international electronica that sits outside current musical trends.  Gotan Project is one such discovery.

The group was founded back in 1999 by DJ and musician Philippe Cohen Solal and former members of Boyz from Brazil (Eduardo Makaroff and Christoph H Müller).  ‘Gotan‘ (an anagram of tango),  have pioneered a fusion of tango and spanish influences with downtempo electronica and dance beats.  ‘Lunatico‘ is a strangely sexy selection of seductive, sophisticated sounds.  Put that in your pipe and illiterate it!  Their next album ‘Tango 3.0‘ is due for release on April 19th 2010 and will surely be another success.

Check them out at:  http://www.myspace.com/gotanproject

4 Stars

The two letterboxes hint at the horror that awaits the discerning decorator, but more distracting is the giant green caterpillar / procession of triffids that are making their way to the top of the steps. Why would anyone do that? You’re not bringing the outdoors inside and you’re not leaving it outside either. Make your mind up. Maybe you could only afford a railing for one side? Here’s a tip, hand rails are easily affordable if you cut back on your giant black pot and ceramic lion budget.

This nature strip is so lack lustre; you have to wonder why they bothered. A punnet of small red bushes for “drama”, what looks like a couple of tired flax plants and an assemblage of weeds around a doubtlessly dripping garden tap, create a sense of urban hopelessness to rival any Russian housing project. Strangely enough there seems to be another letterbox in this picture. It’s white this time. Be afraid people, be very afraid.

A personal pet hate of mine is this driveway. I don’t think it would make it easier to get your car out (Oh, Darren is on a heroin binge right now, I’ll just reverse the car out instead) and it’s a great way to force rain water to rush down like a torrent across the already pathetic nature strip. Washing away your topsoil with gay abandon must be one of those ostentatious symbols of wealth I missed out on.

Let us now consider the gum lined street. Aside from the fact that the blue-grey foliage makes this look like one of the starting levels in “World of Warcraft”, there is also the problem that if there’s one thing a gum tree likes to do, it’s catch on fire. I look at these delightful Australian natives and I don’t see a picturesque and slightly exclusive suburb. I see a firestorm and the charred remains of a family trapped inside a Volvo who didn’t make their escape because their tires blew out from the heat, and a procession of triffids.

This horror of the exterior pales when compared to the travesty contained within. People, I cannot repeat this often enough, monochromatic is not automatically tasteful, and shiny is not automatically tasteful. Put them together and you have an interior guaranteed to cause spontaneous abortions amongst your pregnant friends and neighbours. The theme du jour of this suburban palace is “metallic women holding stuff”. I count ten of them, and a bloody great metal swan too. For every three metallic women there is one chandelier, which seems quite generous. Decorating tip #2 Chandeliers are a sometimes food, like donuts or rendered pig lard. Putting one in every room doesn’t make you stylish or grand; it makes you repetitive and unimaginative.

I’d like to think that the curtains are an attempt at a post-feminist lesbian nod towards the metallic vulvic mysteries of the metallic women who inhabit every corner and surface of this room. The reality though is they probably thought that the shiny fabric looks expensive (but not when it’s on every surface) and the masses of draped fabric suggest a generous luxury (but not when you have meagre 7 foot ceilings). This room reached towards grand and instead fell short and ended up as cluttered, and remarkably tacky, and abortion inducing.

Aside from the fact that the statue in the foreground suggests a love of female anal penetration, or possibly a desire to throw naked women into quicksand, this picture demonstrates a number of classic mistakes. Too much gold, shitty bric-a-brac on pedestals, vases on floors, Doctor Who props hidden under chairs, overdone drapery, monochromatic colour schemes and ugly statues all collide together in a visage of hellishly bland Canberra living.

Another foray into female anal penetration, some women holding stuff and a deliciously piss weak oil painting. I can imagine the back story of this piece; a recently divorced friend has decided to honour their inner goddess by expressing an artistic streak that hasn’t got a look-in since a senior art class in the 80s. One TAFE course later and suddenly friends with money and no taste are nailing that crap to the wall. “It’s a circus! Life’s a circus! I realised that after Jason and I divorced and I got the beach house on the NSW north coast!” It’s not art, it’s a travesty.  The other blue seaside painting is decoration without artistic merit, unless of course you consider the fact that it was probably produced by a child in a sweat shop in Asia before it found its way into a tasteless middleclass Canberra abode.

White couches and ornate decanters on the sideboard proclaim “I’m very clean” but probably indicate that they hire an international student from an exotic locale who is working on a cure for cancer, when they’re not removing dark coloured lint from the white couch. The gothic candle stick holders are totally unusable unless the international student/cancer researcher/cleaner also removes scorch marks off the ceiling and resets the fire alarm. More likely, the hosts use tea light candles unaware of the gaucheness of such a manoeuvre.

The bedroom is meant to suggest luxury with its shiny window treatment, golden picture frames, foot stool and chandelier. However the effect is spoiled by the impractical use of tall lamp tables as bedside tables. There are no drawers in those tables. When the hell am I supposed to put my water based lubricant, prophalactives and tasteful white hand towel? In the foot stool? The devil is in the details though; the complete lack of a head board though leaves no doubt that this is less of a castle and more of a crack house, as is every third house in Canberra.

“We bought her very first painting” they boast “it’s called ‘feminist fantasy in purple’ and it really brings life to the den!” Bullshit. It’s like a “my little pony” decided to vomit up a storm, or possibly the blood splatter pattern from a cabbage patch kid. In front of it, is the requisite naked lady holding something. Considering her bum is exposed I’m surprised she’s not facing the other way. Maybe she couldn’t bear the purple horror either.  The asymmetric zebra couches make me suspect that this home is owned by someone who is either blind (it would explain the pornographic statues) or someone trapped in an 80s psychosis.

Two kitchens, I knew it! This palace was at one stage flats. No matter how big and golden your picture is, you cannot disguise the fact that some poor bastard is expected to cook on an electric stove. I suppose I should be grateful that it has four burners.  The white horror kitchen leaves nothing to the imagination, if you wanted to know what it would be like to be crushed to death in a glacier, then this is the kitchen for you. The uncomfortable looking white chairs in the kitchen cry out for a chandelier or three, but instead have to settle for more bric-a-brac on gold and glass display shelves. So if you have $2.5 million and are legally blind, maybe this is the house for you. If you have any taste or human compassion, or maybe you just think copper based anal pornography is wrong, then we at pinksheep salute you.

Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/mararie

March as a month – March starts off with a bang! All those things that had bubbled away beneath the surface will come out of the ground this month, especially on the first. Things come to fruition, the cows have come home and, depending how February was handled, they may come bearing posies or pistols. For some this may be their time to do what needs to be done. For others, it signals a time of seclusion. Someone you know seems to have gone into hiding? Leave them a message and leave them be. They will get back to you once they have had time to themselves.
Pisces is the Herald the month of March and this year it’s in a strong position to get what it wants. However the opposition, Virgo, will still bring stone-cold reality into the picture. So any unrealistic fantasies and false idols that may have popped up over the past year, will crumble. Sit back and enjoy the disintegration. There is nothing you can do about it. If you try, you will disintegrate as well and if you have any dirty laundry, it will be exposed so just go with the flow and let things pass.
Reason holds no sway this month. Osmosis works far better. Take it all in and sort it in the latter half of the month. Projects and plans that may have been delayed since December 2009 will start to move forward after the 10th, though don’t expect it to be full steam ahead till next month. The fact that things are moving again should be good enough. Projects aren’t the only things that are starting to move along. Repressed tempers are as well. Someone gave you an ear full in February? Well if you have been keeping it in, March is likely when you let them know exactly what you think of what they had to say. For their sake, I hope you won’t be too rough. On the other hand, there are some that need to be told that they were out of line. If you were the one that had blown your top, get ready for the backlash. Don’t bother fighting back either…you will lose, whether you were right or not. Simple as that.

Pisces – March is here and it’s all about autonomy. Hopefully you didn’t waste time in February and had used the time to reinvent yourself or at least give yourself an image spruce-up. Why, you may ask? Because now is the time to test it all out. You’ll be in the spotlight, whether you like it or not. And no, it’s not necessarily the paparazzi kind. People will just seem notice you more than usual and this time you can use it to your advantage as you have the necessary power boost to back it up. This boost comes only once every 12 years and the next time around it may not be as charged as this time. You’ll also have charm on your side, so if there were any boo-boos made last month, you can at least pass an olive branch on. Whether or not they accept it is another story, but it will at least be acknowledged which is more than some can hope for, some of the time. If you’ve been a little unwell or if things at work have been less than satisfactory, it should start to clear up from mid month, but you won’t be out of it till April, so hang in there. The possible downside for March? Others may be more critical of what you do, say, etc…however it’s not without its reasons, so just accept the criticism, as hard as it may be, because there may be some wisdom in what others may say. How diplomatic they may be is another story. By the end of the month, you’ll get what’s coming to you. Whether you handled it well or less than stellar. If you did nothing…you get nothing!

Aries – The end of your sign’s current cycle has come. The things that you have learned, collected, gained and lost throughout the past year gets looked at this month. And the best way to do this is in private. This is the best time to seclude yourself from the world. Not socializing or living alone does not count. Take yourself away from it all. Get out of the house and go away for a couple of days. If not then just an hour or two a day and devoting the weekend to yourself is enough. And you need to take a good, hard, and above all, honest look at your current situation. Are you happy with the way things turned out? Have you achieved what you had set out to do? Was the year at least memorable? There is a quote from an episode of ‘Ally McBeal’, of all places, that have stayed with me. “If you think back, and replay your year – if it doesn’t bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted..” Was it wasted, Aries? Honestly? It’s stock take time. Cultivate and store what will be of use and get rid of what doesn’t work for you anymore. Yes that includes people too. Also should the words “if” of “it could” come into any decisions regarding what stays and goes, most chances are that it should go. Remember, the “if”s and “it could”s of today will be the garbage of tomorrow, so why not get rid of it now? Luckily, if you work at it, you will receive some sort of clarified perspective by mid month. And if your social life has been a bid down in the dumps, by mid month you should start receiving invitations for fun. But ask for a rain cheque till next month. The invites will still be there, it’s more that you’ll be ready by then to test out the new you.

Taurus – Your friendships and groups that you associate with, whether it be social or otherwise, come to the fore this month. What’s more it’s also about the personal pleasure that you associate with them. Good time to expand your circle and meet some new acquaintances. However, take whatever is said by them with a grain of salt. Some may be prone to exaggeration. And some may down-right deceive you. With that said, there may be more progress made in small, intimate groups rather than large ones (i.e. going to a club). Some of you may have also found that going out in the past few months haven’t held that much joy, well from mid month that should change. Romance is also a possibility, provided you put yourself in a position to receive it. In saying that though, at the same time, the possibilities of being lead astray are rather great. It was also your choice to be lead. Whether you believed it to be or not. It could also make you rather ill too, so be sure when to say no. Also use that time to enjoy yourself with your friends for soon it will be your turn to head into seclusion. But that’s next month. Another quick note is if you have been involved with children (whether your own or not), they may have been more than a handful. Things will even out by next month. Just in time, I say.

Gemini – Your standing and reputation is called into question. You may be sought after for advice or for others to simply bask in your glory. Responsibilities come into the equation too. Have you been keeping up with them? If yes, then the kudos are given this month. No? Expect disappointment. And no, it doesn’t matter how clever you may be, you won’t be able to fool everyone this time. And that includes you. Your life is in the greater public eye now. Time to behave. If you do decide to be bad, you’d better do a damn good job of it. This is no time to do things half-assed. Because what you do will carry on to next month, so make it count. Has life direction been on the backburner for a while? Well mid month sees the clearing of the debris that may have been holding you back, or what you’ve been using as an excuse, and now the way is clear. Don’t fret if you don’t feel you’re ready. Just use this month and next as times to plan things out, then review for another month to fine tune it all, then by June you should be good to go. Hasty decisions are ill advised, as at best they don’t pan out. At worst, they pan out with the opposite effect. Another thing you should probably take note of is that home life (this may include family, especially your parents), may detract you away from the public eye now and again. Don’t ignore it. It may end up assisting you or giving you the answers you need in order to move forward. That is…do you really want to move forward or is it just a pipe dream that you tell yourself?

Cancer – The itch of the travel bug seems to have popped up? Well it’s time to get up and go. The call of the foreign and the exotic has grown strong and the desire to escape the bonds of everyday life has now taken its toll. And no it does not have to be to another country. Different cultures, philosophies, even higher education are great ways to explore the world at large. The opportunity to do so presents itself mid week. A possible down side to the month? Reason is not your friend this March. The time to take a critical look of your current belief system also comes to light. And for once, it’s a good thing because this time you may be a bit more receptive to looking at other philosophies more than before. A crisis of the things you may have thought to be true may have let you down last month (whether in people or an actual faith) and left you questioning whether or not anything you believe is true anymore. Well testing time is over and now it’s time to go out and discover the world again. This isn’t the time to sit around, twiddle your thumbs (or anything else, for that matter) and hold unreasonable attitudes, Cancer. Get out there! Got in-laws? Well this month they either hold the answers or really test your patience. But at the end of the day, what they have to say for once be of actual use. Hang in there.

Leo – Bills, bills, bills. The time has come to hold in that generosity and focus on conserving what resources you currently have, because this month may see the need for debts to be repaid. This also includes the debts that others owe you. Mid week sees a time that’s best for making choices regarding taxation, stored resources (yes, not just the money you have in the Bank), investments in which finances are involved, and key assets. The time is right to crunch the numbers correctly. Still don’t trust yourself? An accountant will do. It also includes those you’re involved with someone financially, whether it be the joint finances between partners or even flat mates and family members, this to sort it out if you’ve been putting it off. Don’t hold on to any anger and watch for aggression as you may be have little control over that in March. However right you may be in regards to a situation, don’t retaliate. Wait for a better time. Use the energy to tackle jobs that need taking care of. And stay away from the rumor mill, Leo! Discretion is a must this month, because we all know that after a few drinks, you’re a Perez Hilton in the making. And you’ll find that the things you may divulge, however insignificant it may seem, will find you on the receiving end of some rather nasty fall out scenarios next month, as well as the need for a little soul searching.

Virgo – A little touchy about our autonomy this month, are we? Well that’s not surprising as the issues of partnerships are the major headline for the month of March. No, it’s not just the romantic kind. Any kind of one on one relationship you may have comes to the fore. Romantic, business, familial, especially the relationships you have with any adversaries. It’s time to allow others to hold the reigns and shut up about it. Even if they may be heading in the wrong direction, just let them be. No one will listen to you anyway, and if they do, they probably won’t take heed of what you say, even if they usually do. You need to let others be who they are. Mid month sees the need to be with others. You need to interact with others now, Virgo. On a personal level, mind you. Don’t decline that invite to a party or dinner, catch up with some friends and show that you were not just a figment of their imagination. Already do all that? Well you’re there for them, not for you. And keep that critical tongue in check! Remember what I had said about enemies? Well you may make a few new ones or have discovered ones you didn’t even know about. Don’t try to fight as you’ll lose. As I stated, it’s the month for others to be who they are. The ball is in their court. Also, as hard as it is for you, but in March you can’t rely on logic and reason. It’s time to bite the bullet and go with your gut. You will be better off for it, because you could end up in some debt next month if you’re not careful.

Libra – Last month was a hoot, wasn’t it? Still feeling the vibe? Well sorry Libra, but it’s time to come back down to earth. The trials and tribulations of daily life needs a once over this month. Time to spring clean, reorganize a few things, make sure all the bills are up to date, etc. What happens at work is also more apparent this month. The pros and, for some of you, cons about where you work show up more, and so to the cons. The praise and complaints received at work will be taken more personally. You may also be scrutinized more this month too. So if you’ve got a review coming up, be on your best behavior. Forget the jibes of co workers as you’ll be the one laughing when you get the bonus and they get the sack. Unemployed? This month is a good time to bite the bullet and just get any job. Also ‘Work for the Dole’ may place you in a few areas that could offer you a position later down the track, so do not turn down any opportunities. You can’t afford to this month. Your natural charm will help land the role. Pets and small animals also make their presence known too. The demand for more attention by them should be met. If not, they will make their displeasure more than known. Bad side? The excesses of last month may have finally caught up with you with the arrival of illnesses and generally feeling under the weather. Mid week brings the opportunity to recover, but you’ll need to take the time to do it. You need to take better care of yourself and get your health back up top code, Libra because unfortunately, this month, no one else will. And if they do, they won’t do a good job of it.

Scorpio – The time to have some fun has finally come up, Scorpio! Not just social fun either. Going to the Spa and a spot of shopping may be a highlight. Hobbies hold extra joy for you, this month. The possibilities for creativity and, what Oprah calls, “Light Bulb Moments” are the flavor for the month. Children also could be pleasant entertainment too. They don’t even have to be your own kids. The things they say and do could put a smile on your face for days. The best part is, is that since they’re not yours; you don’t have to deal with any tantrums and problems at the end of the day. Not feeling the fun vibe as yet? Not to worry as by mid week, the desire will come. Romance is also a particular possibility too. If you’re looking for long lasting commitment, forget it. This is a time to just get back to the feelings of anticipation and moments of flirtatious sparring. The conquest is more important than the actual prize. Your sexual performance could also come into the spotlight too. So give it your all. How could anything possibly go wrong this month? Well let me tell you how. Don’t overdo it and don’t blow off (in both sense) the wrong people as you could be making a very big mistake. Your reputation could suffer. And I mean badly. And don’t become involved in the personal dramas of others as you may find yourself shifting from supporting cast to main antagonist. Not only that, but you will pay for it health wise next month too, so steady with those drinks there. Not to mention your mouth and your wallet.

Sagittarius – It’s time to come home, Sagittarius. This month sees you with matters of home and family rearing its head. Things around the house may need fixing, new furniture needs to be bought, and the need for renovations may be more evident. Or perhaps you still live at home and wish to move out. Well this is the right month to go out and find one. But make sure you have everything you need when you choose one and apply for it. Hanging out and reconnecting with family is the way to go as well. Not necessarily just immediate family either. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, all of them. The people you live with also count, so yes you need to spend more time with flat mates as well. This is also a time of endings, so that if a particular living situation isn’t working for you anymore, then well it’s time to attempt to fix it or fly. Issues with family also need to be dealt with too. Any surprises that need to be revealed, do it now whilst you still hold all the cards. They will either be more receptive or will be too shocked to speak while you slip away. Before mid week is the best time so that is there is any reconciliation that needs to happen, then after that should be good. A fresh start from an ending is also indicated. But only after the utter end. Nothing that’s merely temporary. Next month, that’s when you can have some fun.

Capricorn – A review of your communication techniques are now to be looked at. Not just verbal communication, but all forms. Written and even body language count too. And the way you do it too. Your ideas and use of images are also scrutinized. You may think you’re manner of communicating is fine, but others may not think so. The best judges of this will be your siblings, cousins and neighbors. Sibling issues come up as well. Are they less than stellar? Maybe it needs some work. Things may need to be said and apologies may need to be given. Even if don’t believe you were wrong, just say sorry. It will make things easier down the track. You may end up hanging out with them more than usual next month as well and with the rest of the family. And if there are issues with other members, it helps to at least have a sibling on your side. It really does make a world of difference. Trips are also highlighted this month. The desire to go far away may take hold, but how much do you know about your local area? Really? Yes you\may know where to go to get a bad hot dog at 3 am, but what about all the hidden spots that only a true local would know? It pays to know where you live. New hot spots to be discovered and new connections to be forged. Personal or business. Dark cloud of the month? Stay away from gossip! Seriously. What you may find out may be something you never wanted to know or it could even complicate matters with something or someone. Also it could affect your standing in way you may never know of till it’s too late. Mid month will be a real test of faith in your ability to stay out of it and, if you can’t stay out of it, to keep your mouth shut. Stay strong, Capricorn. Or stoic. Whatever works for you.

Aquarius – Well Aquarius, you’ve had your time in the spotlight. Now it’s time to get back to reality. Finances and movable assets seem to be prominent this month. Hope you didn’t over indulge last month because the first thing you may get is the bill. And that isn’t a great way to start the month. A critical confrontation in regards to financial affairs may ensue as early as the beginning of the month. Whether in regards to debts owed to you or the ones you owe. Tread carefully in what is said and the answers that are given. Honesty works out for the best and may actually buy you more time or inspire more patience and sympathy. Though don’t expect too much from people because, at the end of the day, you’ll need to become active about it. Pursue it or come up with the needed funds as what is felt can only go for so long. Mid month sees a breakthrough through a financial opportunity in which funds are available. Decide carefully! Do not be frivolous and selfish with it. The result by the end of the month will be less than diplomatic if the dues aren’t paid, at least by half. Action that has been stalled since December last year, now starts to move forwards again, but slowly. By April, it should be business as usual. Stay strong. Things will be right again. Eventually. In the meantime, seek financial guidance. Whether from a professional or a trusted friend. The information you come across may be more than handy and may actually help you in more ways than you first thought.

Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/pedrosimoes7

Best Picture

The contenders: Avatar, The Blind Side, District 9, An Education, The Hurt Locker, Inglorious Basterds, Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire, A Serious Man, Up, and Up in the Air.

So the Acadamey is going back to the 1930′s when they had 10 nominted films for best picture. So having 10 doesn’t mean it will be any harder to pick a winner. Just like to doing a multiple choice exam you just have to narrow it down.

Up -  animated film and will probably win it’s own catagory.

The Blind Side – Family feel good film and when has one of them won.

District 9 – Science fiction film and if you had to pick a science fiction film this year you would be picking Avatar.

A Serious Man – A seriously over looked film.

An Education – Good British film but being good and Bristish doesn’t always make you a winner.

Up In The Air – If this wins anything it will be for it’s screenplay and that is pretty much it.

Precious – Would love this one to win, but Oscar won’t touch the subject matter, plus the vaguley upbeat ending works against it.

Avatar – Big box office + 9 nominations does not equal best film. No acting nominations, no screenplay and it’s science fiction.

And the winner is: That leaves Inglorious Basterds and The Hurt Locker. The Hurt Locker has won lots of awards for Best Film and should win. Inglorious Basterds would be a surprise.

Best Director

James Cameron – Avatar

Katheryn Bigelow – The Hurt Locker

Quentin Tarentino – Inglourious Basterds

Lee Daniels – Precious: Basekd on the Novel Push by Sapphire

Jason Reitman – Up in the Air

A woman has never won this and this Katheryn Bigelow should beat her ex husband, James Cameron to the Oscar.

Best Actor

Jeff Bridges – Crazy Heart,

George Clooney – Up in the Air

Colin Firth – A Single Man

Morgan Freeman – Invictus

Jeremy Renner – The Hurt Locker

Jeff Bridges should win this. I would love to see Colin Firth win, but Oscar doesn’t do gay. If there is going to be someone to spoil Jeff’s party it will be George Clooney. Everyone loves George and the acadamy is made up mostly of actors.

Best Actress

Sandra Bullock – The Blind Side

Helen MIrren – The Last Station

Carey Mulligan – An Education

Gabourey Sidibe – Precious based on the Novel “Push” by Saphhire

Meryl Streep – Julie and Julia

I never thought I would ever see Sandra Bullock’s name on a list of Oscar nominations, but it is there, and as unlikey as that may seem it is down to her and Meryl Streep. I am going out on a limb and say Sandra will win. Meryl is doing a biopic and putting on an accent; nothing she hasn’t done before. If there is a surprise in this catagory it will come from Gabourey Sidibe.

Best Supporting Actor

Matt Damon – Invictus

Woody Harrelson – The Messenger

Christopher Plummer – The Last Station

Stanley Tucci – The Lovely Bones

Christoph Waltz – Inglorius Basterds

This one is easy Christoph Waltz has won everything. If there was a spoiler it will Christopher Plummer Oscar like to reward the oldies from time to time and this is the catagory to do it in.

Best Supporting Actress

Penélope Cruz – Nine

Vera Farminga – Up

Maggie Gyllenhaal – Crazy Heart

Anna Kendrick – Up

Mo’Nique – Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

Mo’Nique will win this and then will suffer the curse of Best Supporting Actress and kiss any acting career goodbye.

Original Screenplay

Inglorious Basterds

Adapted Screenplay

Up in the Air

Animated Feature

Up

Disagree? Comment below bitches!

Godwin isn’t afraid to limit his bad judgment to politics, heavens no! Not when there’s an entire house to decorate. His taste can best be described as “horrible” with a nod to “Australian ethnic comedies of the 1970s”. Take for instance what appears to be his dining room. Nothing says informal like the complete absence of chairs. You might think that’s a bold decorating decision, but it’s carefully balanced by the abundance of gold molding and 8 clocks. Yes there is, count them! This room says “taste” and possibly mumbles “in my arse” after, and who are we to argue with magnolia walls and a cheeky little chandelier. This is a house which says “I’m a civil servant, and I’ve made it!”

Now on one level I hope Godwin is a fellow faggot, in order to justify the Sistine Chapel print above the bed, on the other hand, I can’t imagine Godwin being gay and having such appalling décor. Such a subdued setting demands the restraint of four golden cherubs and another chandelier in the walk in wardrobe. Notice how the neutral tones are repeated in the bathroom with a witty little garden statue staring at the poor soul in the shower.

In comparison the kitchen is almost appealing, despite the use of a suspicious lens by the real estate agent to make it appear more master-chef than hells-kitchen. However tasteful is easily fixed with some lace curtains, a series of questionable ceramic figurines of rotund ethic chefs (it looks just like you!) and another god damned clock. The caption to this picture originally boasted that it was a solid wood kitchen. Does that mean it would burn nicely? Painting it white and getting new handles is a simple way of freshening up this kitchen, sealing it in concrete is another.

The lounge room doubles as a monument to impracticality. White couches seem to suggest “I’m very clean”, but in practice scream “I never use this room” and “I use a lot of scotch guard”. A tired nylon rug playful trips anyone foolish enough to answer the standard Telstra issue plastic phone.  I dare say the problem with plastic is that it won’t hold onto gold paint, unlike the seven cherubs or clock in this room. Outdoor living is brought inside with the addition of two garden statues. Most disturbing of all though are the spot lights all focused on the spot to the left of the television. One can only assume this abuse of task lighting was the response to a lovers’ tiff about the location of a remote control.  I do admire the attempt to soften office vertical blinds with a ruffled pelmet and a couple of tied back curtains in a shade that perfectly matches the wall; because nothing says “classy décor” like colour matching OCD.

Here we have a second dining room, which confuses me; because who has so many parties that they need to rotate through two rooms? Maybe high flying civil servants do. This room isn’t afraid to let people finally sit down, but you’ll have no fear of lingerers with eight clocks in the room. They haven’t moved these clocks into the room for the shot, they are eight completely differerent clocks, and the table only seats six! A smattering of angels and chandeliers completes this effortlessly tasteless look that makes overpriced look very cheap.

Godwin, if you read this, I hope the auction goes well; and I hope you’re never allowed to buy furniture or accessories again. We know what sort of dark places your décor has taken you to in the past.

What is this shit?

“The first representation of Saint Valentine appeared in the Nuremberg Chronicle, (1493); alongside the woodcut portrait of Valentine the text states that he was a Roman priest martyred during the reign of Claudius II, known as Claudius Gothicus. He was arrested and imprisoned upon being caught marrying Christian couples and otherwise aiding Christians who were at the time being persecuted by Claudius in Rome. Helping Christians at this time was considered a crime. Claudius took a liking to this prisoner — until Valentinus tried to convert the Emperor — whereupon this priest was condemned to death. He was beaten with clubs and stoned; when that didn’t finish him, he was beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate. Various dates are given for the martyrdom or martyrdoms: 269, 270, or 273.”

So Valentine was a marriage activist? Now that’s a saint I can get behind (and on). So what happened? Somewhere along the line, this marriage radical became co-opted as a symbol of trashy heterosexual sentimentality and the rose and chocolate industry. Fuck that. I’m over tired sentimentality. I want to celebrate love that is radical, anti-authoritarian and unbeliavabley hot.

Photo via http://www.bastardlife.com

Love is… not being a sad sack of shit for the rest of your life, it’s a riot and a celebration and it’s like standing in the face of storm not caring if you get wet. If it’s not, you’ve settled. So this Valentine’s Day, take a leaf out of the old saint’s book and do something different and radical. Do something to proclaim your love that will upset people; because some people need to be reminded that it’s not their relationship, it’s yours.

After that, treat yourself (and your special friend!) to some uber hot Tom of Finland style sexcapades. God knows you’ve earnt it.