Sweet Jesus, my poor Christian eyes! Godwin Grech, he of the Ute email scandal is leaving Canberra. Sadly he’s leaving for Melbourne. I’m sure he’ll find refuge in one of the green eastern suburbs full of ethnic people with equally bad taste.
Godwin isn’t afraid to limit his bad judgment to politics, heavens no! Not when there’s an entire house to decorate. His taste can best be described as “horrible” with a nod to “Australian ethnic comedies of the 1970s”. Take for instance what appears to be his dining room. Nothing says informal like the complete absence of chairs. You might think that’s a bold decorating decision, but it’s carefully balanced by the abundance of gold molding and 8 clocks. Yes there is, count them! This room says “taste” and possibly mumbles “in my arse” after, and who are we to argue with magnolia walls and a cheeky little chandelier. This is a house which says “I’m a civil servant, and I’ve made it!”
Now on one level I hope Godwin is a fellow faggot, in order to justify the Sistine Chapel print above the bed, on the other hand, I can’t imagine Godwin being gay and having such appalling décor. Such a subdued setting demands the restraint of four golden cherubs and another chandelier in the walk in wardrobe. Notice how the neutral tones are repeated in the bathroom with a witty little garden statue staring at the poor soul in the shower.
In comparison the kitchen is almost appealing, despite the use of a suspicious lens by the real estate agent to make it appear more master-chef than hells-kitchen. However tasteful is easily fixed with some lace curtains, a series of questionable ceramic figurines of rotund ethic chefs (it looks just like you!) and another god damned clock. The caption to this picture originally boasted that it was a solid wood kitchen. Does that mean it would burn nicely? Painting it white and getting new handles is a simple way of freshening up this kitchen, sealing it in concrete is another.
The lounge room doubles as a monument to impracticality. White couches seem to suggest “I’m very clean”, but in practice scream “I never use this room” and “I use a lot of scotch guard”. A tired nylon rug playful trips anyone foolish enough to answer the standard Telstra issue plastic phone. I dare say the problem with plastic is that it won’t hold onto gold paint, unlike the seven cherubs or clock in this room. Outdoor living is brought inside with the addition of two garden statues. Most disturbing of all though are the spot lights all focused on the spot to the left of the television. One can only assume this abuse of task lighting was the response to a lovers’ tiff about the location of a remote control. I do admire the attempt to soften office vertical blinds with a ruffled pelmet and a couple of tied back curtains in a shade that perfectly matches the wall; because nothing says “classy décor” like colour matching OCD.
Here we have a second dining room, which confuses me; because who has so many parties that they need to rotate through two rooms? Maybe high flying civil servants do. This room isn’t afraid to let people finally sit down, but you’ll have no fear of lingerers with eight clocks in the room. They haven’t moved these clocks into the room for the shot, they are eight completely differerent clocks, and the table only seats six! A smattering of angels and chandeliers completes this effortlessly tasteless look that makes overpriced look very cheap.
Godwin, if you read this, I hope the auction goes well; and I hope you’re never allowed to buy furniture or accessories again. We know what sort of dark places your décor has taken you to in the past.